Personal Growth
I wrote this essay when I was 17 years old and it is currently one of my favorite pieces of writing.
An event that sparked personal growth for me was Covid-19. I have always had this notion that you can not completely help others out until you help and heal yourself. So during this pandemic I have focused on myself and moving me forward. By doing so, I figured out many ways to help my neighborhood as well. It's strange that people always talk about how we can get through a dilemma or situation but we never address our personal dilemmas that we face everyday. We are often told to put the collective opinions of society over our own and we do so without much thought.
During this pandemic though, I was forced to settle down and integrate myself. I read books, articles, anything really; I was “searching to find myself” waiting on the day I would begin my genesis. I was looking at this pandemic as a sign from a higher power that this would be my time to actually start living more for myself. I thought about trees and how they were so sophisticated because they had life completely figured out. They didn’t try to be anything else or let anyone define them because they know who they are. They have known since forever whether to grow to be a maple or palm tree. Even then the trees all grow differently.
I suddenly came to the striking conclusion that I needed to stop “searching to find myself” in all these other things and people. Because I’m not lost. I have lived with myself for a little over 17 years and realized that I knew who I was. That no one on earth could ever tell me who I was and what my purpose was besides myself. Once I figured this information out it was vital to my life. It made me desire to explore myself and my interests more in depth. I have always valued spending time with others but up until these uncertain times I negated the power of spending time alone. It helps me establish more self love within myself, it also helps me realize I can not control people or their actions. I have valued my voice in a new light as well by simply being the change I want to see.
These characteristics that I had developed within myself made me figure out what or whom I was letting myself be influenced by. I began to see that social media, television, the music industry etc were all being ingrained into my habits and my everyday life. People I never even met in real life. People I don’t know. I was idolizing them, giving them a say in my life subconsciously. I have seen the dangers of doing this even within myself. You start to model after someone and mold yourself into other people’s visions of you. I used to gravely connect other people's desires, aspirations, habits, and urges to my own. It gets hard to get out of a spider’s web when you're no longer another spider but a fly, trying to escape everyone's web around you. It becomes hard to see your path. Especially when everyone including yourself put so much emphasis on finding that said path.
I stopped.
I stopped defining myself by other people's standards of how I should be. I pulled myself out of the struggle of overdosing on past memories and overly fixating on the future. I fell into this new realm. One that is a tussle to stay in, but I try everyday. One that makes me smile from ear to ear and has by far exceeded my expectations. It has opened my eyes to opportunities and people.This realm advocates for my well being. Advocates for simple pleasures. Advocates for the simplicity of love.
This can only be described as the present.